This past week I have “re-lived” memories from a year ago. This year, I find it interesting that last week was Holy week. April 18-25, 2010 seemed to be a very holy week, too, as I spent that week in the hospital with a friend who was battling cancer. There were many times when God was so clearly present in her hospital room. My heart still hurts when I think about her and the memories that we shared. Many of the biggest memories we shared, we never really got to talk about them again here on earth. I know that someday we will be able to do that. What a blessing those memories are today.
A scripture that God gave to her and I in that last week was 2 Timothy 4:7-8 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." I imagine what those first moments in Heaven were like. I imagine how it must have taken her breath away to see and experience all of it. I imagine how it felt when God put his arms around her as He welcomed her home. I imagine her joy in receiving a new healthy, pain free body. I imagine what she looks like with her crown.
In November 2010, I was able to share the story of Deanna and my friendship with a group of women. The beauty of the honesty, love and openness that Deanna and I shared in our friendship. The laughter, the tears (and sometimes we cried and laughed at the same time). God used her and I in each others lives to make both of us better people. God used a community of believers – “Jesus lovers” - to impact her life and mine to make each of us better people. God used each one in that community of friends to draw each other closer to Him.
When I was finished talking to these women about this story, a group of friends were praying for me and one of them said “God, you grew her (Nancy) up this year.” And that phrase has gone around and around in my head. It is really so true. God opened up a deeper place within me that is a place where God and I often “go”. A place that I didn’t know existed until this experience. And it's not really something that I can put into words today. But I know that God taught me things I would have never known about Him, about loving from the heart, about His grace, about serving others, about His love, about trusting Him enough to let go....had it not been for this experience with Deanna.
I still miss Deanna today. However, it's a different kind of "miss you" feeling. I would never wish for her back, when I think of the pain that she was in. Life does go on. It has to. We can not live our lives holding on to the past and expect to move forward. That's the difference in the how I miss her today. It is not in a grieving type way that I miss her. I miss her. I miss talking to her, I miss seeing her, I miss hearing her laugh (usually her laughter was at me about something I had done or said) :) I am ok. I know that she is ok. And I WILL see her some day and that is what I hold on to as I look forward to that day.
